I really loved the purpose that you served in my life when you did. You have given me amazing memories and provided me with the comfort and warmth that I needed when I needed it.
There has been so much of you through the years—recently I let go of old tee shirts–like the Raynham one that reminded me of a family trip to Aruba when my siblings and I all wore those shirts to the airport. It was oversized and impractical, but I was holding on for sentimental value. And the race tee shirts–the one from the White Water Center which was a happy St. Patty’s Day memory of my first year in Charlotte and this year’s Reindeer Run and Cooper River Bridge Run–both good memories of the wellness team, a positive aspect of an otherwise rough school year. Then there were all the hand me downs–from my mom and sister and mother-in-law, and even the secretary at school. I have been in a phase where I keep telling myself that ‘I’m not stylish and therefore I need other people’s hand me downs’, but if that’s the message I’m sending, what does that say about me?
I used to hold on to you in a way that was holding me back, even though I didn’t realize it at the time. I have always been a pretty sentimental person; however, the older that I get and the more life experience that I have, the less attached I become to material things. I value memories and experiences more than I value things. I have given myself permission to let go of things that do not spark my present joy (I have not read the book, but I have heard a lot about it and am applying the concept in my life). I have noticed that when I do declutter and purge, I make room for better things to come. My cousin Crystal helped me when I was first moving down south–she lovingly said (referring to a hot pink sweater that didn’t fit me the right way), “Jen, we don’t have time to reminisce about what used to be”, and she’s exactly right. Stuff is just stuff—it shouldn’t carry the weight of a memory.
I first noticed the power or purging when I got the urge to purge this past Christmas break. My mother-in-law was in town and I decided to use her expertise to help with the process. I believe we got rid of 6 bags of stuff, and it just felt so liberating. It was almost addictive–once I got started, I didn’t even want to stop. But what was most significant was this experience taught me how when you get rid of what you don’t need or want, you make room for the new. Just a week later, Mike and I started talking about moving downtown and the opportunity completely manifested once we made space and “allowed” it to happen.
Goodbye– because it is time…and in fact, this time is long overdue.
Now that you are gone from my life, I will not carry around dead weight or hold on to memories in a way that they weigh me down. A memory is meant to be light, and attaching so much meaning to stuff made it feel heavy. Now that you are gone I make room for lightness and openness. Life does not have to be so heavy and serious. Every decision doesn’t have to carry such great weight, and traveling lighter means changing course is a lot less cumbersome. I make space for more self love and acceptance–and less guilt, judgement, and general heaviness (or low vibe feelings). In you there was so much that I was carrying around that I didn’t realize I needed to release, and now letting you go has granted me a fresh start.
I love you.
I forgive you.
I will cherish the memories in my heart, but I don’t need you as a reminder any more.