A Call to the Mamas of 2020

Hey Mamas of 2020 it is time to get fired up! It is time to stop being desensitized and quiet and small and complacent. If we want a better world for our children--all children regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation or any and all other factors--the time to listen is now. If not us then who --and if not now then when?

When I had my kids, like any mom, my anxiety turned up but never did I have to worry about my kids not being accepted because of the color of their skin. So on the list of things that brought me anxiety never did I have to think about how they may never be able to go for a run or be out with friends and have their life in danger. Never did I have to think that someone would see them and walk on the other side of the street or hate them without knowing them—just because of their skin color.

After recent news, one of my friends asked what she was thinking bringing more black boys into the world and that broke my heart—because never did I have to think that way about my own children. My privilege has afforded me that luxury.

This isn’t a post about white guilt. This is a post about being and doing better—about being the change that Ghandi said we need to see in the world. It’s about truly making our country the land of the free. In order for it to truly be the land of the free it needs to truly be the home of the brave—-and we are all being called to the front lines. We are being called to show up and be brave and get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

I am writing this to all mamas because that is my platform. You are my people. And because we are the spiritual leaders of our families. We are the curators of our children’s experiences and as my friend and parenting guru Vivek Patel says “conscious parenting is activism”. And it’s time for us to get active.

And this all might make you feel uncomfortable and that’s okay—it’s better than okay—it’s great actually. You should feel uncomfortable about what’s happening in the world. In fact you should feel disgusted and as Tony Robbins says, you have to be disgusted to make a change.

For a little context I have been an educator for 14 years but for the latter half of my career I have taught in predominantly black communities. I’m a white girl from the north and I was teaching adolescent black students about our history. The messy, complicated, and often times frustrating history of our country. And at times that was uncomfortable but that discomfort paled in comparison to the discomfort about talking to them about the present. It’s 2020 and I wish that hate crimes and racial discrimination were just things of the past but sadly seeing people who look like them murdered is in their faces every time they turn on the news.

The Holocaust, The Civil Rights Movement, Women’s Liberation, and especially Gay marriage was not that long ago in the grand scheme of our history and we are still feeling the effects of that today. But as spiritual leaders of our families we can band together and help ensure that antisemism, racism, rape culture and domestic inequalities, and shamig of the LQBQT community are truly things of the past.

And it is long overdue for us to confront the reality that we have a major role to play in this. We can do better for all of our children. It starts with us and it starts today. And there is a lot we can do but I am going to share just a few simple places to begin.

Go there. Get uncomfortable. Get disgusted. Commit to doing the messy work of confronting the current reality in our society and in yourself. Name your biases—explicit and implicit Uncover them. Acknowledge. We all have them. A great tool that I have used before is this free test put on by Harvard https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit

Talk to your kids about race. Honestly they’re never too young. There are different resources that are available that are developmentally appropriate. Here are a few https://www.prettygooddesign.org/blog

Expose your children to diverse literature—both the type that overtly talks about acceptance and the value of diversity and the type that just includes POC and LGBQT and anyone who has a diverse way of looking, thinking, and being in the world and community as protagonists.

Model acceptance. As a parent we must always remember what we do we also teach. How do we interact with people who are different than us? How do we talk about them? What do we do or say when others don’t talk about someone who is diverse in a kind and respectful way? Little eyes are always watching and little ears are always listening.

Practice deep, generous listening. Listen to our friends who are marginalized. Ask questions and truly listen to the answers.

Share diverse voices.

Donate to a cause that speaks to you and supports this work. Here are a few that I am familiar with but do your own research: https://colorofchange.org/

https://dreamdefenders.org/

https://www.naacp.org/

https://pflag.org

https://www.jewishcharleston.org/

Educate yourself--read perspectives from people who are different from you--and learn how to be an ally. A few great resources on this are:

https://bethebridge.com

https://sojo.net/articles/our-white-friends-desiring-be-allies?fbclid=IwAR0BlBPI1y4yR3fi4hMt7YW6hA0wZP80mKhlWtfIm4INcWK83jrQUJNSm9M

There is so much work to be done but like any lasting transformation, small changes yield massive shifts. And we can’t let our fear hold us back. This post may offend some people and there may be things that are imperfectly ignorant and insensitive here and that’s okay--I’m learning and I’m trying and I’m showing up--even when it’s messy and even when it’s hard, and I am inviting you to do the same.

I will leave you with one of my favorite quotations